Post by Moominfreak on Jun 2, 2006 1:23:42 GMT 1
CINEMA GOERS - Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by going to the toilet before the film starts!
BREAKFAST LOVERS - Make the 'toast always lands butter side down' myth wrong by dropping your toast, then quickly buttering it before someone sees.
DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
PET OWNERS - Rats make ideal 'large print' mice for short-sighted cats.
ATTENTION SHANDY DRINKERS - I've found that mixing Kaliber and Hooch makes a fantastic 'reverse shandy'.
BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.
MOTHERS! Don't use poisonous shampoos on your children's hair to get rid of headlice. Scare them away using a dinner plate and an anglepoise lamp to cast a terrifying 'Independence Day' shadow over your child's head.
LADIES... When invited to a Buckingham Palace garden party, go wearing hair rollers, so that the Queen will think you are going somewhere really important afterwards.
GRATED CHEDDAR CHEESE from the supermarket can be squashed tightly together with the fingers to produce a block of cheese, ready for slicing or grating.
LADIES! Putting your mouth and chin inside a pint glass and sucking hard for three minutes is an excellent way to give yourself a "Fred Flintstone" five o'clock shadow.
BUSY EXECUTIVES - Don't buy a Dachshund. Their amusing sausage shape means they take 50% longer to stroke than other dogs, and time is money.
MOTORISTS! Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
BOIL AN EGG to perfection without costly eggtimers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.
;D
N.
BREAKFAST LOVERS - Make the 'toast always lands butter side down' myth wrong by dropping your toast, then quickly buttering it before someone sees.
DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
PET OWNERS - Rats make ideal 'large print' mice for short-sighted cats.
ATTENTION SHANDY DRINKERS - I've found that mixing Kaliber and Hooch makes a fantastic 'reverse shandy'.
BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.
MOTHERS! Don't use poisonous shampoos on your children's hair to get rid of headlice. Scare them away using a dinner plate and an anglepoise lamp to cast a terrifying 'Independence Day' shadow over your child's head.
LADIES... When invited to a Buckingham Palace garden party, go wearing hair rollers, so that the Queen will think you are going somewhere really important afterwards.
GRATED CHEDDAR CHEESE from the supermarket can be squashed tightly together with the fingers to produce a block of cheese, ready for slicing or grating.
LADIES! Putting your mouth and chin inside a pint glass and sucking hard for three minutes is an excellent way to give yourself a "Fred Flintstone" five o'clock shadow.
BUSY EXECUTIVES - Don't buy a Dachshund. Their amusing sausage shape means they take 50% longer to stroke than other dogs, and time is money.
MOTORISTS! Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
BOIL AN EGG to perfection without costly eggtimers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.
;D
N.
;D ;D ;D